so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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