20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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