it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
