Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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