Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
