Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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