Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
