dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You have to summon your inner elephant
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
