smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
