Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize