The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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