i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
