Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
