I want to make a zoo with you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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