Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
