im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
there's paper in my vomit.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
