I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
