batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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