why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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