im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
