i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
