We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
