i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
