woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
