So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
