apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just found puke in my bra..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
