i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
