saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
