Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
