Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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