Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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