she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.