meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day