I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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