Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
