I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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