i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
