I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
