O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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