Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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