just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
