Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
