just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
