people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
