i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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