Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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