I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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