So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
