Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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