i love accidental penises.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
