ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me†eyes during a lecture a few times.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
