This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
