Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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