Who did Billy Mays play for?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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