And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
