remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize
