DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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