i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
