Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
