We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
