i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He better not be in your backpack
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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