Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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