Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
