i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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