You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
