you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
