you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
