he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
